I had a conversation with my husband this weekend. A long one. It was about the transgender community. He had a lot of questions and I answered. What I found during the conversation was the fact that a lot of words are being used wrongly because of a lack of education.
Sexuality, Gender identity, and such things are usually taboo topics and therefore people find them weird, no one educates about it, and what follows is a lot of confusion and misunderstandings.
This is why I felt like I should explain a few very simple things.
- Sex: Refers to which type of genital you were born. Penis=Male, Vagina=Female
- Gender: Refers to what Sex you identify if you even identify with a sex. This can be different from the sex you were born with.
- Homosexual: A romantic/sexual preference towards the own sex.
- Bisexual: Sex is not important when it comes to romantic/sexual encounters.
- Gay: Male+Male preference
- Lesbian: Female+Female preference
- Heterosexual: A romantic/sexual preference towards the opposite sex.
- Asexual: Not identifying with a certain gender. Often refers to people who have no sexual urges.
- Transgender: The gender you identify with doesn’t match the sex you were born with, therefore you changed it or want to change it or are in the process.
- Gender queer: The gender you identify with doesn’t match the sex you were born with.
- Tranny: Another word for Transgender
- Cross dresser: A person that dresses as the opposite sex (clichee) but gender identity matches the sex they were born with.
- Transition: A person in the progress of matching their body to the gender they identify as.
- MtF: Male to Female
- FtM: Female to Male
- “It’s just a phase”: How you identify yourself and your romantic life is not a phase > It is who you are, your identity.
- The bible says, it’s an abomination: No one needs to accept the bible as truth, especially considering the age of the book and how much got lost in translation already.
- Everybody is Bi-sexual: Being able to appreciate that someone of the same sex can look good does not make one a bi-sexual. There are a lot of ways to feel romantically towards other people. Bisexuality is one of those ways.
- Homesexuality can be healed: Homosexuality is not an illness. People are born that way. They didn’t “catch it” somewhere, it’s not spreading.
- Only Male+Female is natural: Actually no. It has been proven over and over again that in the animal kingdom (and the human is part of that) all kinds of sexual and family bonds exist. This includes homosexuality (swans, guinea pigs, cats, …), monogamy (swans), polygamy (certain types of apes, lions, dogs, wolves, cats,…), and more.
Being bisexual is as normal for me as any other type of romantic/sexual feeling is for other people. My husband is straight and he never ever felt anything more than plain friendship towards men. But I always had a strong preference towards females. Liking males at the same time made things confusing for me in this society and at that time but I couldn’t change it. It was normal for me to feel that way.
I heard at some point that people like to think that bisexuals just can’t make a choice.
That’s not true and I am living proof of that. As much as I love women, I live in a straight relationship. I love my husband. I am true to him. I wouldn’t even dream of cheating, even with a girl. I am very open about this so he always knows. I am not jealous and he isn’t either.
In addition to being bisexual I am gender queer.
I was born in a female body and I like my private parts 😉 BUT I do not identify as a woman.
I have some female traits.
I like bags a lot, I love cooking and baking, I am a very creative writer.
But apart from that, I am more guy.
I love camping, knifes, survival shows, comfortable clothes, fit bums, working on my bike, and esports. I don’t use makeup or nailpolish, I am not spending an hour in the bathroom to “get ready”, I don’t own a lot of clothes, and I don’t have to fill every quiet minute with random babbling.
This part of me makes my husband very happy because we can do stuff together he would normally need a guy-friend for. We can sit on the beach and check out women. We even watch similar types of porn. We can work on the bikes or just sit down for a drink without saying a word.
Me being this way was not a choice or a phase.
This is me and I like to be seen as just me, not as a category that one needs to be disgusted about.
I have been this way all my life.
Once I understood that there is nothing wrong with the way I am, all the annoying things that minorities encounter stopped for me. No laughing or giggling, no stupid questions, no defending my lifestyle, no bullying, nothing.
I am not making a secret of who I am but I am also not making it conversation topic number one whenever I can.
It’s my own private life and I can share it if I feel safe with a person.
In reality apart from my husband (and you, the reader, as an anonymous crowd) I haven’t fully come out to a lot of people. Not even my own mom.
I think there are 4 or 5 people I completely came out to. I am happy with that. These people are very important for me and they are all great.
I hope this post helps those who seek for a few simple explanations. If you have any questions, please let me know in the comments.