Tag Archives: tired

Burnt out

I have been writing about my current place of work a few times already and now that I am hopefully going back to my job before, I start realizing some things.

This job has completely burnt me out within four month.
Useless training, horrible upper management, brainless short term targets, external and internal tools breaking all the time, internal procedures not being followed, pressure where no pressure should be made, one of my three supervisors being an unprofessional pervert, two of my three team leads completely incompetent, the product I support is absolutely boring to me, any projects I could possibly take on are equally boring and un-challenging, quality control is completely nuts, new great additional procedures being made up on the spot all the time, big corporate bullshit everywhere….

I always think of work like this:
I spend more of my waking hours at work than anywhere else. When I go to work, I want to go there and feel good about it. Yes, it is a job, and it needs to be done. But the fact that I spend so much time in a place I hate is very unhealthy. Work needs to be a bit like a second home. A place where you can go, do your job, be appreciated at least sometimes, relax during break times, and just simply not hate yourself.
I had that in my old job. It was challenging and not the easiest of jobs from more than one point of view BUT I loved going there. I felt that I am being valued and cared for.

Now, during the past two month, I have been on auto pilot. Just functioning but feeling worse and worse. I am happy I got back in touch with my old recruiter and she offered me my old job. The interview went well, she already knew me and she likes me. So the next day I got my email that basically said “yes we want you but we need to do the background check”.
So right now I am idling, waiting for that background check to be done and waiting for an email saying “Here is your contract and start date. Be there at 8 am.”

So I guess I will be on survival mode for a few more days and once I get my call/email I can pull my last few energy resources to get through the last month in that weird work place.


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Posted by on February 16, 2016 in Uncategorized


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Too much

The following blog post is not me complaining, it is just venting.

So I am working for this website.
A big part of my work (about 70% – 80%) consists of checking reported content.

There is usually a good reason why people report certain things, so what I get to see day in day out is the dark side of the internet.

So today my work consisted of watching beheading, shootings, killings, more beheading, stoneings, executions, dogs being tortured, images of dead rape victims, open wounds, traffic accidents with body parts all over the place, and much more. You get the idea.
The more relaxed days usually consist of war images, people being tortured or shot, and dead children.

Lately it is really getting to me.
I got used to it after an initial shock when I was new to this job.

I remember back at the interview. They warned me that I might see disturbing things at work. They asked me if I am ok with that. I said “Yes”.
After all I used to do content administration for a big porn site for a while, I moderated and administrated sites, chats, forums. I researched the military for a good while because I wanted to join the military. And part of me preparing was watching the most disturbing things I could find online and see if I can deal with all of it.
I honestly thought that I’ve seen it all. There can’t be anything worse.
Boy was I wrong.

I am not well prepared to deal with “too much” because I just came out of my clinical depression. I don’t have the tools to shield my¬† mind properly, tools to balance things out. All I can do to vent so I don’t go crazy is writing.

There are days like today where I can’t do anything to lift my spirits

Happy Challenge, Day 3:

Although my work day was really difficult for my mind (see post above) I did find a few small things that made me happy:

  1. I got to meet with a friend after work and we had very nice Chinese food.
  2. I finished something that I have been working on.
  3. Today was pay day.
  4. My missing debit card was returned.
  5. Found my missing key card for work, that I thought I lost.
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Posted by on April 5, 2014 in Uncategorized


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