So this morning I woke up and like many people, checking Facebook, watching some YouTube, while having breakfast.
But today it was full, and I mean FULL, of the Paris attacks. It was full of compassionate post and half of those posts were about please pray for Paris.
And when those started piling up I turned my Facebook off and did not have a look again until the evening. I actually went out and did not look at any social media.
My surprise in the evening, everybody has started to go nuts about the things that happened in Paris. My own husband started giving me Muslim-hate-statements until I forcefully stopped.
For me this whole thing has three sides. And all three prevent me from getting into depth and caring about it too much.
- I used to work at a big social media website for a while and one of my jobs there was to review reported material. Now what (among other stuff) do you think gets reported? Yes, war images, Muslim hate, terrorism stuff, etc. So for that whole time, where I had to review these things, I got a little dull. I had my fare share of raging and being sad but at some point you have to stop investing your energy in it or you will go completely nuts. You need to stop caring to a degree to keep sane and to protect yourself. You need to become dull so you can keep functioning and so you can sleep at night instead of waking up 20 times because the images haunt you.
So I became dull. I slept at night. I stay aware of the bad things that happen in the world but for my own sanity, I need to distance myself a lot at this point.
- I am on the edge to losing it at the moment. And this is the main reason why I just cannot let it get to me. It is the reason why I did not read up or start watching the news. It is the reason I scrolled past everything Paris in the evening. My job has brought me to a level where I cannot sleep any longer, and where I am slipping from one panic attack into the next one. I do not need any more things that could trigger me to become even more negative and unhappy. So as seen above, I need to try and keep myself together by shielding myself from these things. (Yes, I am selfish)
- I will not pray, I will not share anything that asks people to pray, I will not comment or like it. I will show my middle finger to it. Why you ask? Because every time someone prays, he did not do anything for real. You put your hands together, talk to your imaginary sky daddy who apparently is all knowing and has this big plan but you cannot deal with your sky daddy’s plan so you pray? Do you think you are actually doing a damn thing there? I know that I cannot do anything and I will not pretend that I can by speaking to myself. Come on people, aren’t you too old for that crap.
Be compassionate, say nice things, cry with the victims if you must, but leave your fucking religion out of it. A hate crime happened, stop pretending that you are doing something by praying.
Btw, I am not being an ass here even if it sounds like it. I am very sorry for those who lost people there and very sad that this happened. I just simply do not have the energy in me to deal with the thing right now.