RSS

Tag Archives: old

Level up

Once again I have levelled up. I am now 32 levels old and it is weird but things change although inside you feel nothing has changed while you also feel like everything has.

Am I even making sense?

I don’t celebrate my birthday usually. I will go along when others prepare something for me and I enjoy it. It is nice to know someone has thought about me. But I won’t make a big fuzz of my birthday. A cake for work (although not in my current job) if I feel like it. There are many reasons but mainly I get very … “thinky”. I recab my life until now and how it improved from my childhood /teenage years up to now. Like the mom of my best friend during my teenage years once said to me “Your life is like a badly written novel.” Well, not anymore, ma’am.

But how was today?

Today I had the most normal day. Nothing really special for birthday. At least not special for mine.
I had an eye test and found out I need glasses. Before the eye test I went to check my balance on my bank account to see if I could afford glasses right away. And it said roundabout 400 Euro. For two weeks is fine. I was thinking of buying a nice thing for my husband because he has his birthday this week as well and I wanted to see if I find a nice thing for him.
Well I had to pay almost 300 euro for the glasses and the eye test. So yea… Kinda panicked at that point because 2 weeks for 2 people with not even 100 euro left, no electricity or bus tickets bought.
Later found out that my husband had some money so yea things are fine. But that was a nice shock for a birthday.
Anyway, I am currently really sick so wanted to take it slow today and just rest a lot. Well did not get to that. Our flat looked horrific and I just couldn’t look at it any more. And no matter how sick I am, I have to get at least the worst of it done. So cleaned around, dishes, laundry. baked some stuff. Made a nice cake for birthday. Mostly for the man, not for me. Because I don’t make a nice cake for myself.
Watched some stuff on Netflix while doing my thing. But I can feel how it is taking it’s toll now. I am just really really sick. I was before but it is not getting better because I am not resting.

Apart from that, thinking back on my life and what I got now.
Like the way I grew up and how I have always been depressed. And at some point got diagnosed with bpd (depression being one of the symptoms), when I finally attempted to receive help.
Like how I beat the symptoms of my bpd on a daily basis and it only rarely ever shows through any more.
Like how poor I grew up and how grim my outlook was just about 6 years ago and how well I am doing now compared to that. Not great but well at least, and that is a huge step.

My thinking has changed and not changed.
Sometimes I click through this blog and I see a post from a year or longer ago and I would still agree on the things I wrote then 100 percent. But I look back on older blogs that I had before this one and I am interested how radically some of my views have changed. For example my view on military. On another blog, in a community I am in, I wrote about military in a delusional way where nowadays I have to face palm that this was what I really thought back then
But then there are areas where I have always been thinking the same way. Like equality, fairness, justice, rights, honour, etc.
I am also still a hippie inside. But it is so hard in this current world and society to let that shine through. Those nice ideas to save people, the world, society… Just getting crushed permanently.

My personal struggles are the same but they are less frequent.
I still don’t feel like a woman inside and sometimes it makes me feel very… dark inside. I can’t even describe it. It is a horrible struggle between, loving my husband too much to go for transitioning and feeling that I am not me until I get to transition. Hard to deal with that, especially around things like women’s day or so.
I think this is my actual only personal struggle I have. I am pretty sure that a lot of my underline issues would be solved if I got to transition. But although my husband understands that my mind is not female and he loves me for that, he just is not into male bodies and he expressed clearly that he doesn’t know if a relationship would be possible if I transitioned. Yea it hits me hard once in a while. On occasions like my birthday, hooray. So questions why I don’t feel like celebrating?

 

Ah well, I guess I will just dive into the next year and see what happens.

Advertisements
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on March 13, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Here are some answers

A viewer who watches the Atheist Experience, sent some questions to the show. The hosts decided to publish the questions in order to get this person as much input as possible.
http://freethoughtblogs.com/axp/2015/06/10/viewer-asks-for-your-help-with-some-questions/

Here is mine:

1. Someone I know told me that the Old Testament doesn’t apply to us, not only because there is a new covenant, but also because God made those laws for a specific purpose, for example, selling off your daughter to her Rapist only applied to the people at the time. What should I say to that?
This is textbook cherry picking. If someone is a Christian, the bible is the foundation of their belief system. The bible has two testaments. If the old testament doesn’t apply because it was another time, then the same applies for the new testament.

2. He says evolution is discredited by the amount of genetic mutations that are negative instead of positive. I replied with the mutation that allows some people to drink milk is positive because it helped people back when food was scarce and also how most mutations don’t do anything, they’re neutral. Was that a good reply and how is his argument true or false?
I am unsure as to what exactly he meant. But evolution is just a huge line of genetic mutations. Some of those mutations got whole species extinct because they didn’t work out. Not sure how any type of mutation could discredit evolution. I am also not sure how you’d make a distinction between a positive and a negative one.

3. People claim the bible is scientific but the story of Noah’s ark is in there? What other stories show that the bible is as scientific as Harry Potter.
* Jonah and the big fish (oh don’t you dare talking about a whale 😀 )
* Virgin Mary or not depending on the gospel
* The resurrection being told in different ways depending on the gospel
* Original sin (talking snake with legs, hello?)
* A woman being made out of the rib of a man
* Making wine from water
…. etc ….
The bible is full of these treasures

4. How do I explain to those who don’t understand about how “information” cannot exceed the speed of light and how DNA isn’t a written set of instruction that the way most would think of it?
We do not know if there is a way to exceed the speed of light. Just because science hasn’t seen or found it yet, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I would never make a claim like that.
DNA > Take some lego blocks and build a tiny tower. Then explain how this is like DNA having certain components that fit together. If more explanation is needed, you can totally dive into biology, take out a 5th graders textbook and check it out with that person.

5. Why is Theistic Evolution wrong or unreasonable? I may have gotten the name wrong but a friend of mine says theistic evolution is evolution but with divine intervention behind it all.
Theistic Evolution starts with the assumption that “God did it” and as a reasonable person, this should never be the first assumpion. They only do theistic evolution anyway because there is too much evidence supporting evolution to keep telling people that it is not true. The fact that we do not know what exactly made evolution start etc doesn’t mean that this knowledge gab needs to be filled with “God did it”. It should be filled with curiousity instead.

6. My friend crashed in a plane recently and he was unscathed. Now all the uber christian kids at my school keep saying Jesus saved him, but for me I ask why he didn’t prevent the crash in the first place. Then they say Jesus doesn’t check planes before they take off. I know this is a subject that hits the emotions, but how do I convince the crash wasn’t divine but instead was a lucky crash?
So how was this divine for those who got injured or died in the crash. How was it divine for the owner of the plane who lost a lot of money and reputation there? How was it divine for everybody surviving the crash, who will now probably have to deal with trauma? It is a great thing that the friend survived, but that does not mean that a higher being hand picked him. It simply means he survived. It would be a morally very misguided Jesus, who preaches in the bible to love everybody, but then let’s a crash happen, causing a lot of pain just to hand pick one person. Could he not just given one of those signs, enlightenments, etc without the whole drama?

7. Would finding how life forms can arise from inanimate organisms not just disprove but destroy any religious claims to creation? Also what would you think the response to new extraterrestrial life being discovered? Hement Mehta believes this would be a huge blow to organized religion.
There are forms of belief based on “Extraterestrials have visited earth so and so long ago. They were Gods and then they left earth…”
You can find that on History Channel a lot. So that part is not a good argumetn against religion or gods.
If a scientist would be able to create life from inanimate parts, then the next step would be that the scientific community retests this over and over again. If it really worked, it would not disprove a god though. It would probably be a great argument for a believer that someone in the beginning must have done something like that. The fact that there are strong forces in the galaxy that can probably do that, wouldn’t count anymore at that point.

8. Many creationists claim that the odds of humanity coming to be is so improbable. I was thinking before I slept the other day about a new idea(which probably was thought of already because it’s simple). I call it the argument from hindsight. Is this a thing(argument from hindsight)? Is easy to say it must be hard to get to where we are now, but that because we’re looking back. How many Martians are saying this? None because there isn’t anyone to look back at what needs to occur for life.
It is very improbably indeed but it turned out this way anyway. Humanity had billions of years to arise from simple one-celled life forms into more and more complex beings. At some point something humanoid came out of it and it kept evolving to what we are nowadays. This stuff doesn’t happen within 20 years or any timespan that one single person could observe. The time frame is too big so we rely on fossil records and such things. Those records that we rely on, to understand how humanity came to be, are pretty clear.

I am not a scientist, just a normal freethinking person that tries to help out.
If you actually got to read this and wanna keep talking, feel free to drop me a comment.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on June 11, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Birthday Blues

I turned 30 today. Fuck, I am old.

While I am keeping my mind young, sometimes I feel really old.

I became that person that says these things:

  • The music in my childhood was so much better!
  • Oh my goooosh, people don’t educate their kids anymore!
  • Girls should wear more!

I hated people saying this kind of stuff when I was 15…

In addition, most of the newer technology, I really honestly take forever to understand it while 15 years ago you would put a new piece in my hand and 10 minutes later I’d know how it works.
I learn slower. Not slow. In fact I am a very very quick learner but compared to 15 years ago it’s embarrassing.
My body doesn’t look as hot as it used to anymore. While I always had the feeling that I don’t look good, for real I actually used to look pretty neat. That’s over now.

My hobbies are still very similar to 15 years ago though. I am not making music anymore but instead moved to gaming. I still like cooking and baking and writing.

Apart from all the looking back and comparing me with myself…

I don’t like to celebrate my birthday at all.
I do enjoy nice thoughts, a cake, a gift, yes. But I hate the whole “Let’s be together and jolly.” No!
What’s my problem?
For example at work:
I have a pretty wonderful place of work (no sarcasm, I really love my work and the people there). I don’t have a problem with anybody in particular but I am not close to many either. So being called for cake and then having to do small talk with a team of people I usually rarely talk.
They were actually very thoughtful, I must say.
Knowing that I am allergic to chocolate, they got me apple tart and cheese cake. One coworker drew me a Volibear on the birthday card because he knows I like to play League of Legends.
Also those who sit with me, they did some pretty nice decorations on my desk.

In general I don’t like being the center of attention, so having pictures taken of me, being social, smiling, laughing, …. just a bit much.
And that constant reminder “Hey, how old are you now?”
My answer “I am finally 18!”
Hey, at least they stopped asking.

Facts:
The Matrix came out when I was about 15
I was a fan of the Kelly Family and Backstreet Boys when I was 12.
I was 5 when the Berlin Wall fell.
The first time I remember seeing Michael Jackson > he was still black (kinda)
Owning a computer was not a common thing when I was a teenager.
I got my first mobile phone for my 14th birthday (it was huge and heavy)
I am the last generation of late hippies (my mom is a full-blown hippie).

Music:
I sing loud “I’m just a teenage dirtbag baby!!” by Wheatus and feel young, doing that.
I enjoy CCR and Barcley James Harvest

TV:
I grew up with X-Files.
I also grew up with Star Trek.
I used to love Star Wars and the new EP 1-3 are not being accepted by me.
When I was little, the cool stuff on TV was Smurfs, Ewoks, and Muppet Show.
The Teletubbies first aired in my country when I was 17.

Yep, I am old….

 
1 Comment

Posted by on March 13, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,