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Eurovision Song Contest WTF?

After years of not watching the Eurovision Song Contest, today I forced my man to watch it with me.
I used to enjoy it very much but that was many moons ago.
I had so much WTF happening there, it’s almost sad what has become of this contest.

  • Almost all the songs sounded alike, as if the same person wrote them all. What a bad sign for music culture…
  • Whoever wrote the moderations for the presenters -> You are not funny! You are cringy at best. (That is not good, it is annoying)
  • The presenters sang a song together. That song was not only bad, and way too much of everything. The fact that it was present as some kind of satire and supposed to be funny in the same forced way as the moderations, added to the “wtf- factor”.
  • So you invite Justine Timberlake and then let him cheaply perform basically a medley of his old songs but present as if it is new? Are you for real? How stupid do you think your viewers are?
  • As the points were given, the other countries had so horrible, bad backgrounds and sometimes the outfits were just so ridiculous. Come on, when you are streaming to such a mass of people, you should put more than 2 minutes worth of effort in those two things if you want to represent your country.

Tiny rant here:

Where are the actual life performances? I think only 3 artists actually performed live with a band, as in not a playback on which you sing. That’s poor standards. This contest used to pride itself by how great and talented the artists were that came on stage and perform. There was a very high standard on who could actually perform there. Now it is just another music show with mostly untalented people. I stopped counting how many “singers” weren’t able to hold a note.
And just to mention. I spend my childhood and most of my teenage years on stages. I know that stress and fear can do things to your performance. BUT big BUT these people are supposed to be professionals. If they are, they should not let it get to them to a degree where something as basic as holding a note, cannot be done anymore. If you sing every day because that is what you do, it is your live and your job and your hobby, then holding a note cannot ever be difficult for you.
Before I stopped singing, it was almost impossible for me to break a note or not hit it spot on. And I was not a professional. I just sang a lot, my voice was somewhat trained, my ears had almost absolute hearing at the point. So if me, not professional, can hold a note on stage, why can’t a professional. You gotta be kidding me to let that be on your stage.

End rant

How about we go through the performances and what my man and I just happened to notice. Because although the music was horrible from an artistic standpoint of view (most of the time) and the standards for this competition have obviously sunk to an all-time low, at least it was funny to watch all the fail.

So from start to end:

  1. Belgium: Moved waaay too much.
  2. Czech Republic: Made up for Belgium by not moving at all. Fun-fact, that song was called stay (or something like that)
  3. Netherlands: Dutch cowboy who should have performed a country song. So yea wild west in the Netherlands I guess.
  4. Azarbajan: Singer couldn’t sing but at least one of the male dancers was belly free and fun to watch.
  5. Hungary: Some kind of Sexy Bambie guy with a smokey voice. He cannot sing but at least he brought a drummer who didn’t hit his drum and his background”singers” were really good at whistling and skipping.
  6. Italy: At least this singer didn’t sing in English for a change, but in Italian. She was not moving at all, maybe glued to the stage on that green spot, who knows. The song did not move out of the range of half an octave but those 4 notes, she hit them well.
  7. Israel: The most cliche emo I have ever seen. Black everything, even the stage apart from the blue big star he stood on. And wtf was going on with the gymnsasts on stage. Was that some kind of artsy statement?
  8. Bulgaria: Nice coat, hot babe, shiny lights on her costume… The song was made of refrain, one line, refrain… sad
  9. Sweden: Some babyfaced guy talking the song and eating the mic at the same time. He probably had more foundation (make up) on his face than a beauty guru on youtube.
  10. Germany: What’s with the Anime fangirl and the ugly stage with odd trees that have neon green laser lights coming out of the branches while the rest is in nice dark blue and purple colours on the stage… And I thought I am colour blind…
  11. France: At least not only singing in English but also in French. But the song and performance were just unimpressive as fuck.
  12. Poland: A rocker with a great rock voice singing a shit song (not rock) while wearing the costume of a circus director.
  13. Australia: because every one knows that Asian-Australian girls are from Europe. Good voice. Too bad that half the song was stolen from another song.
  14. Cyprus: Finally music. A rockband actually performing on stage properly. And the song sounded like a song instead of some pop-manufactured blargh
  15. Serbia: Dead eyes, probably trying to look mysterious. Good voice and big budget for hair clips. She brought a sexy guy and some shield maidens on stage.
  16. Lithuania: His choreographer must have been a girl. too much echo in the song. Also trying to be sexy – how cute.
  17. Croatia: Literally treehugger… Wtf was that dress? Also kind of asian theme to the song/ Sounded like a mix of Japanese and Cranberries styles. Good voice though.
  18. Russia: Final Fantasy much? Anyway very impressive stage performance. How unfortunate that the song was complete shit.
  19. Spain: A mix of 90s, Madonna, and La Isla Bonita. Not impressive, but at least very loud, eh.
  20. Latvia: Was unable to hit a single note. Always a tiny tad off. Why was he screaming at the audience so much? Why so angry. In the end he was like “Screw you guys! I’m taking my jacket off!”
  21. Ukraine: Main lyric was “uuuhuuuhuuu” and apparently this lady can only gesture with her left hand. Well done…
  22. Malta: Skyping the song in? So much Mariah Carrey tryhard and what’s with the odd frog man doing gymnastics and handstands?
  23. Georgia: Roxette style rock music and nicely done because performed live with band. Had an interesting sound but was very repetitive.
  24. Austria: meh
  25. United Kingdom: Guys going for the gay vibe? Who knows. The one who “played” the guitar didn’t even touch the strings. Come on.
  26. Armenia: The background track was from another song (at least in the beginning). Kinda naked performer, looking good. Who needs to sing well if you got that body?

If you want to watch the thing to know what I am referring to, just re-watch it on YouTube 🙂

 
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Posted by on May 15, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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