About studying and life and a pickle

19 Jan

So if you saw my last post with the wishlist, you saw the points about getting into online marketing and video editing a little more. Mainly because I would love my Youtube channels to grow. All three of them. But how? Right?

Over all, whatever I end up studying, I would like it to be something I enjoy studying, and something that might even help me in my career, looking forward.

So after some thinking I thought about Media Studies and I have just started to look into where to study that around here, what it would cost, and what courses etc etc. The stuff you gotta look up if you wanna go back to school.

I then also talked to my husband. And I love him to bits, he does keep my feet on the ground. But he has this habit of probing. Basically he will ask me questions to have me think, maybe just answer for myself, etc. Just so I won’t jump into something that sounds nice for five minutes and then drop it.

The problem is that this is the exact same way that was used on my all my life in order to stop me from achieving any goals that I wanted to achieve.
Very early on I had in my mind to become a psychologist or veterinarian. Both Psychology and animals have always been interesting to me and especially animals, up to this day, are something I would love to work with day in day out. But we were dirt poor. Buying certain books for high school was already almost too much so of course uni wasn’t anywhere close to possible. The money was the main reason why, at 13 years old, I decided to move one school type lower, because we wouldn’t have to buy so many things for school there. (Yes my mother left this kind of decision up to me completely)

So I had to find a new thing to be passionate about. I had always loved music and was very talented but didn’t really see that as a career for myself.
So what will I do with my life? What is my goal? At 14 / 15 you are supposed to choose what career path you want to go down.
I decided on computer science, although it would be incredibly hard for me because the branch that taught computer science at my school, was the same branch that had a heavy focus on maths and I am really not a maths person.

Guess what, my mom talked me out of it. We had no computer and no money to get one. No matter how much I loved computers, consoles, and all of it, there was no way to do it financially. And apparently the fact that there was a computer room for me to go and study didn’t matter because maths… Well.

So I looked into less conventional things, while moving onto the art branch of my school (that btw head the same heavy focus on maths as the computer science, but fuck logic).

I had always been invested into everything circus. I was juggling, I went on stage as a clown regularly, I had started to ride the unicycle, I was sporty and knew some acrobatics. I followed circus competitions and volunteered at circus project.
So I thought, I would love to go to the circus. I would not get rich with it but I would become happy. I still believe that to this day but the time to make it true is over.
Of course I was not encouraged to go to the circus.

So I thought about going to the sea. I was into ships and boats and into sailing. I was a great swimmer, and as I mentioned very fit. My graduation class had a graduation trip to the Netherlands to go sailing for a week. And I loved it. I learnt, I spoke to the skipper about possibly getting on his ship when he needs a Maat, etc. I told my teacher that if he hears back from the skipper to please let me know. And low and behold, two months later he told me that the skipper was now looking for a Maat and he gave me the phone number. I spoke to my mom about it and who discouraged me again?
I was 18 years old, in my last year of school. I wasn’t going to graduate because of maths and chemistry. I wasn’t willing to repeat the year either at 18 years old.
My mother wanted to see me as a pre-school teacher but that school would only take me with a graduation. So I had to do the long way. Go for child care assistant. Work for two years, then go back to school.
Turns out I stopped after child care assistant and worked 4 years before leaving the profession. Don’t get me wrong, I am really good at being a child care assistant. But it is not what I ever wanted to achieve. I studied it so I have a job, not because I wanted it.

I am now the age where I can make my own decisions and as long as I can finance the uni / college, I feel I should go for it.
Sometimes I feel my time is running out. My life is just slowly starting to become stable. There is so much I want to do with my life. Study, children, travel, animals, house, hobbies, etc.
I want to invest time into studying especially because I love learning new things. I just feel that I get too many hurdles.

My husband and I talked it through, and I pretty much got his blessing after a very long talk. But I just don’t have thousands and thousands of euro just laying on my bedside table, waiting to be spent.
I guess I am in a bit of a pickle…

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Posted by on January 19, 2016 in Uncategorized


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