I just watched this video on youtube and got thinking.
Here is the video, and below it my thoughts on the questions in the end:
On keeping a baby or not:
I think both parents have a say and need to make a rational decision together. If she wants to keep it no matter what, then the father should at least have the right to formally decline his parent-ship. And why? Because she is obviously ignoring his part in this, she is making the decision alone, so now she needs to own up to it. I think this is an option in Germany already, but correct me if I am wrong.
And it only gets difficult the other way around when he wants to keep it but she does not. After all no one has the right to force a woman to carry out a pregnancy that she doesn’t want just as no one has a right to force her to an abortion. Both a pregnancy and an abortion are serious health risks, obviously for different reasons. So you cannot force a person to take the risk that you want them to take. It is their body and they get to decide which risk they are willing to take.
Tadaa condoms / the pill / the pill after / bisectomy / …. Yes all of those can fail (and if they do, you can still deal with that), but at least be responsible as much as you can until both of you are ready for a child in case you want one.
On keeping a baby but later on not paying the support:
So if the decision for both parents at the time was to keep the baby but one day the parents separate/divorce and now one of them should be but is not paying child support, then this is a dick-move. You both need to own up to the responsibility of having a child, no matter if you separated or not because you are still BOTH the parents and it is about the children and their well-being. Seriously, do you fall out of love with your children when you fall out of love with your partner? Come on.
In my case, when I was little:
Here is the thing, as I mentioned above, still both are the parents. The children usually live with one parent, whilst the other one has to pay child support and that makes sense. Usually the amount depends on living standard and what the other parent can actually pay. In my opinion an amount of 50-100 Euro per week and per child is realistic and reasonable because children cost money and one parent alone is unlikely to be able to carry that on top of all the normal bills and especially when it’s more than one child.
In my case, I have 2 brothers who were very very difficult as children and teenagers. So my mother had to quit her jobs or lost them because of them. So now she usually tried to hold jobs but most of the time she could not because of them and therefore we were always very short on money. No new shoes, or jeans, or anything really. My father never paid his child support. He would give me 50 euro for my birthday or send a present. So that is once a year and only for me. Nothing for my brothers ever. So how is that a just behaviour? He gave his sperm, he made a concious decision to keep us together with my mom, but once they were not together any more, he would drop EVERYTHING including his children and we were always close to starving because of it.
Sure my case is extreme and there are probably a lot of families where the missing child support is not a big issue. Maybe it is only one child or all the kids are good and the parent, they live with, can hold a job that pays well, etc. But the fact that the other parents simply opts out of being a parent, that is a dick move and it creates only suffering. The child feels unloved by that parent and might actually go hungry because of that missing money.