Just two things – Just a little rambling

29 Oct

First thing:

Lately work had become so stressful that I wasn’t able to sleep any more. My anxiety came back and I started feeling sick all the time. I can deal with stress but as soon as the stress becomes unreasonable, I don’t know how to deal with it. For example consider this:
We have to spend 40% of our time at work being ready to take calls. The other 60% we are good to put into working on tickets and other assignments. One ticket, overall, usually takes about 2 hours to solve the problem. In a lot of cases it takes much more and in some cases it takes less. So we are supposed to finish 4 a day. Well for some reason, on my market, the incoming tickets in the queue tripled and now we are getting them assigned like they are Christmas candy. So for about 3 weeks I have been stressing out and crumbling under the workload. Then I started talking to co-workers who are clearly not that stressed and I talked to my husband. Everybody basically told me to slow down, not break myself for this, and just do what I can and chill. So It took me another 3 days to actually put this mindset into practice. Today it finally worked out. I did not feel highly stressed. Currently I am not going on the phone and if someone asks,I can tell them why.
But yea, unreasonable stress is difficult to deal with because of its very nature. There is no common sense, no nothing behind it. It is just being generated for no good reason. And It is obviously one of the things I need to learn to deal with.

Second thing

I saw this video of someone telling his life story. And he focussed mainly on all the bad things that had happened to him. He explained a lot about how things used to be so difficult, how he was traumatized. He talked about abuse, therapy, religion, and so on. Over all it was about 45 minutes long. And I understand how things were very difficult for him. I get why felt and feels the way he described.
It kind of reminded me of my own life story. I hinted a few times, that it was not a rosy life that I had. There was enough bad stuff for two life times or even three. And at some point, for my own mental health and therapeutic reasons, I wrote as much of my life down, as I could. It was a huuuuge wall of text. Every time I remembered something again, I would add it to my wall of text. It felt good to get it all out. But to be honest, not everything was bad. There are some things that were nice, like just generally the fact that I grew up on the country side until I was 14 or so. And in my wall of text, I was also adding those things.
In the end, reading it all, yes, the negatives are far more, but I wouldn’t be able to stay sane if this is what I would focus on all the time. Looking forward is sometimes the best thing. Leaving the past in the past can be very healthy. But I had to learn it. I understand if someone needs to get it all out at least once. I think it is part of the process of letting things go.

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Posted by on October 29, 2015 in Uncategorized


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