So I have a friend or a vampire. I am not sure what I have.
I used to work with her. And when I left the company, we kept in touch.
A long time ago she was in a car accident and she ended up in a wheel chair.
It was a horrible experience for her but she got lucky. Why do I say that? Well the health system in Ireland is not very good. But she had private health insurance. The health insurance covered the costs of the hospital. She also was able to keep her job (not the same position but at least the same company). She can only work part time so the health insurance tops up her pay.
The one thing that is really crappy, and I understand that, is the fact that she has to live in an old people’s home while she is still young and, considering her situation, very independent.
While I kept in touch and saw her posting on facebook about her living situation and how much she wants out of there, I thought I can try and help her out. I offered her to help her find a wheel chair friendly place. Of course I had to ask a few questions first so I am not telling her the things she already knows. Thing like is there something the state does, is there this and that. But during the conversation I never got the feel that she wants the help. She kept complaining openly about her housing situation and when I approached her a second time to propose some stuff, I got the same reaction.
Ok, so you don’t want help but you do want to complain publicly though. Fine with me. I will not react to it any more. I will ignore it.
She has started to lose weight last year and by now she lost an amazing amount and looks very good. So I, along with other people, congratulated her. I also asked her how she did it.
And here is what pissed me off:
Her answer was something about listening to what her body needs and that if she can do it, then every walker can do it too. The fact that she is so bitter that she calls people “walkers” (and being well aware of The Walking Dead) because they are not in a wheelchair, is not cool. She became so bitter about her situation that she needs to release that frustration on to the few people who keep a cool head and try to help.
For as long as I kept in touch, she seems like she is keeping busy but she keeps complaining about things and while she does that, she does nothing to change her situation. She has become very bitter and I understand that. She is in a very frustrating situation but if she keeps pushing those people away who are trying to help her and keeps the people who just feed into her state of mind, then that is not just very unhealthy, but also she is pushing the only ones away, who can help her get out of the situation.
And before comments come in about “maybe she doesn’t want help.” or “Did you ask her if she wants help.”
I actually asked her if she would like some help with this. After all her big problem that she lives in that problem and I can help with that very well. She said that, yes, she would like that. And when I gave her input on what she can do she pushed it away. Not saying that she tried these things already, but just pushing it away.
After 5 years of this, I am getting tired of it. She complains and complains, does nothing to change the situation, and basically expects the Irish state to simply poof something for her into existence. That is not going to happen though, and that fact frustrates her even more, because she is aware of that.
It tires me and although I understand that she needs friends, I don’t think I am right for it. I will not feed into her self pity and bitterness. She only reacts positively to that feeding behaviour though. I am not that person, sorry….