Monthly Archives: December 2014

Poor Christmas

This Christmas we ran into a bit of money trouble. Basically some of my calculations went wrong and we ended up with 300€ less than I had calculated.
This meant that we went to the Christmas market but couldn’t afford to buy anything. It also meant that we couldn’t buy healthy food but only went for everything that is cheap. There weren’t a lot of presents either and no going out.

On Christmas evening I made some polenta and cheap meat. I also had some wine and sweets that I got for free. So I put it all on the table and made a picture. I wanted to post it on my facebook and make a stupid joke about it but my husband felt very embarrassed by it.

My husband also grew up poor and has been poor most of his life. But in his culture it is more important to look like you have money than to eat. Other people have to look at you and be impressed, everything else is unimportant. My husband still cares a lot about what people might think and it seems that it was important to him that we don’t look poor.

I guess what I wanna say is, it doesn’t matter what others think. You should always take the situation that you are in, and try to make the best of it. Don’t let the fact that you have no money ruin things for you. 

  • So what, you don’t have a big tree.
  • So what, you can’t afford to buy a gift for every friend.
  • So what, you can’t buy a new jacket or boots.
  • So what, you have to watch movies on Youtube instead of the cinema.
  • So what, you don’t have a big fat turkey in your oven.

What counts should not be what other people see in your Christmas but what you see in your Christmas. Don’t be salty, just try to enjoy – even if you sit in a cold flat because electricity is so damn expensive 😉

Here a few impressions of my own little bit of Christmas:

These first two were in a mall. I love all the lights and colours. 



This next one is one of the trees at work:


Here are some pictures of my decoration at home:



And here is the Christmas meal and some cupcakes that I made:



Leave a comment

Posted by on December 31, 2014 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


It is this time of the year.

I am working a lot, not taking any days off and even covering weekends and public holidays. Yes, I admit, the benefits of doing that are pretty good. Most of the time, during the year, I just don’t take the time to reflect on things. Sure, stuff crosses my mind but I never take the time to actually think about things a lot.

We live in this fast paced world where you are always just one click away from another new adventure. We live in a time where 5 minutes is a long time. Things are planned down to the second and our brains are so highly stimulated by all that rush and hurry that we don’t ever take a break. So what about having a weekend? You stuff your weekend with hobbies, family, friends, cleaning, shopping, etc. You have to make sacrifices to ever go to the doctor, taking a sick day or a day off to do so. When are we ever taking a break anymore?

But this is the time of the year, when friends travel or visit family, where it is a bit less busy at work, where things just seem to go a bit slower. This is when we have some time to just sit down, lean back, close our eyes, and have a minute alone with our thoughts.

Here are some of mine:

Throughout the last year I was at a personal war and I lost. What war? Well I wanted, and still want to, get back to a weight I feel well with. I just did not have that discipline needed. It will be one of my goals next year to finally do it and feel good in my body again.

My little identity crisis that has been going on for so many years is not over yet either. Sometimes I can bury it and sometimes it just slaps me in the face. Every day I deal with the fact that my brain is not a female brain but my body is. I can deal with that, it is just really weird to see myself in the mirror sometimes. Being addressed and treated like a woman is sometimes really odd because I don’t identify as such.

Slowly I am getting tired of my life. I am only 30 and I know I have about 30-40 years to live before I kick the bucket but at this point in time there isn’t much to live for. I am not saying I wanna die either. It’s just this weird phase in my life.

Looking back a few years, yea things have improved a lot. But I still see no future. I love my husband but he is pretty much the only person I really care about. I have nice hobbies but I am constantly either too busy or too tired to do the stuff I like. Especially knowing that my guitars are not here…

I am pretty proud of what we are doing with the gaming community. It is growing slowly but constantly. And it seems that we are starting to be known a little more. There were 3 major things that proof that fact to me. 1. A pro gamer has recently commented on one of our recruitment posts, telling that he heard of us before. 2. We had a DDOS attack on our teamspeak server. 3. Another community tried to have our members cross over to their community.

For my own gaming “career”. Now that I have a good computer, I am going to stream on twitch and upload to youtube a lot more. I am planning on joining a competitive LoL team and finally play more ranked so I can go to gold or even higher. I think I am good enough, I just hate solo ranked so much that I never played after my placement matches.

Leave a comment

Posted by on December 21, 2014 in Uncategorized


“What are YOU celebrating on Christmas, you little atheist?!”

“What are YOU celebrating on Christmas, you little atheist?!”

That’s what I heard from a very very christian friend last year around this time.

The thing is, I am not celebrating Christmas at all and I haven’t for many years. Not in a christian sense anyway. As much as my religion is not in my life anymore, Yule/Jul/Christmas, is still a time of the year, I look forward to.

For me, rooted back in my old religion and way of life, Christmas is about

  • the sun coming back,
  • days getting longer again.
  • a time of becoming active again.
  • seeing how nature is starting to wake up and live again.
  • the circle of life, the year, the seasons
  • how every end is also a new beginning

The Christmas tree with everything I put on it, is full of symbolism.

  • The evergreen tree in winter, reminding people that there is life even in the darkest of times
  • The Christmas ornaments > round bulbs > circle shapes remind of the circle of life, the year, and the seasons
  • The habit of hanging apples and nuts on the tree as a symbol that you wish for a good year, with a good harvest and plenty of fruit
  • The red candles as a symbol of life and light in a dark time. It’s light as a symbol of the fact that now the days are getting longer again.

But Christmas is so much more for me and probably a lot of other Atheists out there:

  • A time for your family
  • A time to just eat a lot of very tasty things
  • A time where you can take time off and just be
  • A time where you realize that you still have a lot of PTO left, so you just take it all now, when all your friends and family takes it too.
  • A time for hobbies and fun things
  • A time of great music

Do I celebrate Christmas in a christian way?
Definitely not!But I am surely having a very good and jolly time and I enjoy that.

Christians have neither invented Christmas, nor do they have exclusive rights to it.

Now chill, do your thing, and let me do mine. Don’t question my motives and I won’t question yours.

By the way:
Please read the different gospels concerning the birth story of Jesus. Funny to see how much your holy, unfailable book contradicts itself, just again.

Leave a comment

Posted by on December 7, 2014 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Atheist Activism vs. being preachy

We all know the Jehova’s Witness style religious people. Knocking on your door on a Sunday at 7am when every normal person is sleeping, wanting to talk Jesus with you. Or those people who will interrupt your conversation with someone to tell you that you got it all wrong and God has a plan for you. Or the guys on the shopping mile with the God-flyers, asking you if you know what that guy called “Jesus” did just for you.

Don’t you hate this invasive behavior? I sure do. I cannot stand people trying to convert me or trying to preach whatever religion is trendy right now. I do not like when people come into my personal space (and this includes a private conversation that I might have with someone while I am outside my house) and interrupt everything I am doing just to start preaching to me.

Well since I hate this kind of behavior, of course I am not doing it either. I am a reasonable person, or so I like to think. It is rude and intruding and very annoying so I don’t do it. Yes it is that easy for me. Even if I hear a godly conversation. Who am I to roll in like an elephant and destroy the conversation, other people are having?

So the other day, a friend I have on Facebook, Seth, he posted something. I have to mention that Seth is an Atheist activist. He has a very successful website and podcast and is generally known in the atheist “scene”.

With his allowance, I am now going to post something that he wrote and parts of the conversation that followed in the comments:


I read this and just nodded. “Yes, this is how I would react too.” I would leave those people alone. It is not like they are trying to preach to me. They are having a conversation, so whatever, let’s eat breakfast.
Right? Sounds reasonable?

Well here is a comment on this post:


I usually don’t comment on people’s posts because I am a no-drama-zone and usually my thoughts are kind of thought provoking which people just don’t take well. I learnt to shut up most of the time. But this time, with this comment, I was not able to, sorry. I just had to say something because this Faisal guy was obviously an idiot.


I had so much more on my mind, things I wanted to tell that guy but I felt like one of the two would happen if I said more:

  1. He gets defensive and starts a never ending discussion about who knows what.
  2. He wouldn’t read it anyway

I wanted to keep my good mood and save my nerves, so I kept it at that.

If you are interested in more content by Seth, please check him out. He is one of the greatest Atheist activists out there.
Here is his youtube channel:
Here is his website:
Here is his facebook page:

Leave a comment

Posted by on December 7, 2014 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,