Monthly Archives: November 2014

An hour without power

So last night I was going to have a shower and then go to bed. It was already really late and it was pitch black outside.
At some point during me having a shower, all power went off. This includes the shower because it runs on electricity.

The good thing is, that all my senses are working perfect so I can navigate through pitch black darkness just fine.
My husband on the other hand, he was still playing something online with his friends, so of course he was a little pissed. He is also not good at navigating in the dark.

As we were unable to fix the problem that late at night and calling the landlord at 3am was out of the question, we went to bed.

I got up around 11:30 in the morning so we checked the fuses but couldn’t find anything wrong with those in our flat.
I sent a text to my landlord, asking if he could have a look, while knowing how my stuff is unfreezing in the fridge.

“Oh ok, I will be there in about an hour!”, was my landlord’s answer.

My first thought, being used to all the things in the house that run on electricity, was “Ok, what do I do to kill the time and how do I keep my frozen food well?”

This is how I spent my hour without power:

It is not that I really missed having power on, knowing that it will be fixed in an hour. I love doing stuff on the computer and I did have full battery for my laptop but I chose, on purpose, to keep the laptop off and do something else to kill the time.
For me, a lot of the computer is distraction. You can sit in a messy flat and not realize because you are staring into that computer screen all the time.

First I simply wrapped all my frozen and cold things in two woolen blankets to keep them cold, which btw worked fine. Nothing unfroze.
Then I started cleaning up everything that I could clean without hot water. (The dishes were left at that point)
I also told my husband to help clean up and as soon as he was done, he had his laptop on.
After the dishes, I finally glued my sole back on my shoe which had been broken for a month and I just couldn’t be arsed to fix it.
I also took my second laptop and prepared it for my friend. His computer broke and I am lending him my second (old) laptop until he gets the parts he ordered to fix his computer.
I also finally got to talk about some important matters with my husband and he finally took the time to address those matters because there was nothing to distract him. Nothing called him away from me and towards the computer.
We were, indeed, so much in our conversation that we didn’t notice time flying by.
At some point I received a call from my landlord asking to be let in.
And even after the power went back on, my husband and I continued and finished the conversation slowly. There was no rush to get on the computer just because the power was back on.

To be honest, I was a bit surprised how much stuff you can get done within just an hour.
Guess how I measure time. I measure by how long things take in League of Legends. 1 hour = 2 ARAM or 1 hour = aprox. 1 normal match.
So basically, that one match that I might have played instead, I did not miss it and I got a lot of things done, including a good quality conversation with my husband.

Right now I am considering to do an hour without power regulary because I found the experience pretty good.


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Posted by on November 30, 2014 in Uncategorized


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Battling depression

A friend of mine was just talking to me. It was about depression and how a friend of his doesn’t want to get professional help.

Having been depressed for the vast majority of my life I can give a few thoughts here.

Getting professional help is scary:

  • It makes it official that you have a problem.
  • It puts a permanent mark in your file with health officials.
  • It labels you as a “crazy person”
  • You might not be the person that talks to strangers.
  • It looks weak.
  • It feels strange.
  • It is very exhausting to talk through your problems.

Getting help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of great strength to address and fix your mental problems.

For me personally it was quite a journey. I went to therapy for a while but it didn’t help me at all. I am the type of person that wants to fix their problems themselves. I am not happy to sit in a room with a stranger and tell them my story and have them tell me stuff like “you know, you can’t change it anymore, it’s in the past.” blabla roll eyes. Right? I get that feeling. I knew the things the therapist said to me back then. I went through that phase of “I can’t change the past” long before I went to therapy.

What helped me was time, meditation, and writing. Those were my main factors in healing. And how long did it take? Well about 6 years. Yes. It took about 6 years for me, to fix my issues, to get back on track. The 12 years of depression before that could of course not be fixed over night. I had good reasons to be depressed and it just took time. But:

the things I recommend for people who do not want to go to therapy:

  • Practice to focus on one thing and one thing alone. Learn to turn everything else off in your mind and to focus on one thing.
  • Meditation. It’s probably the advanced way of focusing. With the right meditation techniques you can work on a lot of your problems.
  • Writing helps to release things that you want to say but you have no one you could say it to. You can even delete it when you feel better.
  • Writing letters. If you have been hurt or a person has caused you deep pain or trauma, it helps to write them a letter that you will never send. Just write it, and let it all out.
  • Hobbies help as well. For me it was music. Other people might have different hobbies, just do what you like to proof to yourself that there are enjoyable things on this planet.
  • Talk to people. Even if it is not face to face. Maybe you find a forum or an internet friend. Getting some feedback helps to put things into perspective and to see things from a different angle.

These things above helped me greatly and, without trying to sound dramatic, saved my live. Try it.

If you have no one to talk to, and you really need someone to listen or read your story, as part of your healing process / If you simply want to exchange etc, feel free to send me a message. I will read, I will not judge, and I will answer! clos3rlook<at>gmail<dot>com

Be well and love yourself. Live is so much more!

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Posted by on November 20, 2014 in Uncategorized


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