** TRIGGER WARNING **
IF YOU ARE DEPRESSED-SUICIDAL PLEASE SKIP TO THE END OF THIS POST TO FIND HELP LINES THAT YOU CAN CALL 24/7.
With this header you might think that this is going to be a very difficult post.
Suicide as a topic has this heavy, burden-like feeling to it.
It is somewhat of a taboo topic. You just don’t talk about it, you don’t want to think about it.
It’s a sin in some religions to commit suicide.
People who do not follow a religion or any kind of belief system tend to find it too upsetting anyway.
Just try to ignore it away because it never has anything to do with oneself until it does.
I personally avoid having taboo topics. So let’s get into this a bit more:
I first thought about death when I was maybe 10 years old.
I didn’t even have a reason, it just came into my mind that one day my mom is going to be old and that old people die.
I asked my mom how it is to be dead and what comes after death.
She didn’t know, and she didn’t try to indoctrinate me too much with heaven-talk. She told me it would be like going to sleep but never waking up again.
Well, tell that to a child. Children hate sleeping. It’s worse than being grounded, right?
So yes, my first reaction was to be scared of death and I stayed scared of it for a long time.
Heads up, by now I am not scared of death anymore – at all.
Around the age when I asked my mom was when I became depressed. And I stayed depressed for almost all my live up until about two years ago. You know, you don’t just heal the depression. It is a blurry time when you get better.
Anyway, during that time I became quite suicidal.
Being suicidal never meant trying to kill myself constantly because that is usually not what it means at all.
I was suicidal for many years but I really tried to kill myself only once. And you see, I am still alive and I am fine. Understand that for me it seemed like the only way to solve my problems. That’s because I was so depressed that I saw no other way anymore. I thought I had exhausted every other way of solving my problems. In the end I found a way and now I quite enjoy living.
But not only suicidal people commit suicide.
There is this other type of suicide that I will call reasonable.
Have you ever thought about how and where your life is going to end?
When I was at that point I started researching what other people thought, what they did. I actually read a book on suicide methods. I watched documentaries and vlogs and read a lot. Until my hunger for knowledge was gone.
Some of the most important things I learnt while researching this:
- People commit suicide for very valid reasons (e.g. terminal illness)
- Some people are old and they don’t want to live anymore. They feel they lived and saw what they always wanted and they feel that it is time to go.
- There are places (on in Switzerland) that offer legally assisted suicide and they perform in a very warm and loving way which includes family / friends.
- There are books that explain suicide methods.
- Suicide does not have to be ugly, cold, selfish, or disgraceful.
- Suicide does not have to hurt either.
- Some friends and family of people who commited “pre meditated suicide” told the story, and it was not heart breaking.
I know that you might not agree with me but I strongly feel that assisted suicide should be legal everywhere.
It is legal in some places and it’s not like suicide rates in those places are any different than in other countries as far as I know (tell me if I’m wrong though).
People do it no matter what. The difference is just: Will it be ugly or not?
If a person decides that they would like to end their life in a way, at a time, and at a date of their choosing, they should be granted this.
Can it be misused? Hell yes! But everything is being misused nowadays. The whole medical system is full of bad decisions.
Make it a process where the person has to be cleared by a trained doctor and where they will be repeatedly asked if they are sure that they want to do it up to the second before they do it.
But, I understand that our society is maybe not ready for a big step like this. People don’t want to accept that nothing needs to be wrong with you, if you wish to commit suicide. People don’t yet understand that it can be a very warm and loving experience for the family.
People’s thoughts usually stop at the bad news headlines and with this cold shudder on there shoulders, when there is so much more.
I know I am repeating myself at this point but I gotta say it one more time:
It does not have to be ugly and cold.
But just to clear this up.
I feel very much alive right now. I love living, I have many things I want to see and experience. I love being here and I plan on staying on this planet for many years to come.
Now, as always, when I post something like this, a few last things:
- Suicide shall never be your first choice or first thought to solve any of your problems.
- If you are depressed, please call a help phone. They are usually for free and you can talk to trained and lovely people there. They have resources for you.
- If you are suicidal and you really want to do it, please consider calling a suicide line. They are also for free and are also staffed with trained people. Do never – I say again NEVER – feel ashamed to call out for help! These people are there just for you, they are waiting for you to call, so do it. They know how to help you.
Numbers and contact details for suicidal people:
Phone: 1800 247 100 (free phone)
SMS: Text “Help” to 51444 (standard rate)
Phone: 1 800 273 8255 (free phone)
For adults: 0800 1110111 (free phone)
For children and teenagers: 0800 1110333 (free phone)