The following blog post is not me complaining, it is just venting.
So I am working for this website.
A big part of my work (about 70% – 80%) consists of checking reported content.
There is usually a good reason why people report certain things, so what I get to see day in day out is the dark side of the internet.
So today my work consisted of watching beheading, shootings, killings, more beheading, stoneings, executions, dogs being tortured, images of dead rape victims, open wounds, traffic accidents with body parts all over the place, and much more. You get the idea.
The more relaxed days usually consist of war images, people being tortured or shot, and dead children.
Lately it is really getting to me.
I got used to it after an initial shock when I was new to this job.
I remember back at the interview. They warned me that I might see disturbing things at work. They asked me if I am ok with that. I said “Yes”.
After all I used to do content administration for a big porn site for a while, I moderated and administrated sites, chats, forums. I researched the military for a good while because I wanted to join the military. And part of me preparing was watching the most disturbing things I could find online and see if I can deal with all of it.
I honestly thought that I’ve seen it all. There can’t be anything worse.
Boy was I wrong.
I am not well prepared to deal with “too much” because I just came out of my clinical depression. I don’t have the tools to shield my mind properly, tools to balance things out. All I can do to vent so I don’t go crazy is writing.
There are days like today where I can’t do anything to lift my spirits
Happy Challenge, Day 3:
Although my work day was really difficult for my mind (see post above) I did find a few small things that made me happy:
- I got to meet with a friend after work and we had very nice Chinese food.
- I finished something that I have been working on.
- Today was pay day.
- My missing debit card was returned.
- Found my missing key card for work, that I thought I lost.