From time to time I have to wonder how a decent, save, loving live would have been.
My live used to be a huge mess. I didn’t have to do much for it to be a mess. I grew up in a messed up environment with a messed up family. Things were always kinda bad. Poverty, mental abuse, health issues, molestation, bad education, hunger, constant fighting, not having a loving family, and a lot more…
I used to be kind of bitter because all of this added up a lot. It added up and I was great at pushing things away from me, putting a mask of “nice strong girl” on, and at some point all of these pushed away issues just collapsed on me. It was a very difficult time for me and I had to find a way to work through all of it in order to survive. No, I am not exaggerating here.
Nowadays I am not bitter about it anymore. I found my peace I think.
And I want to help those who have not found their peace, yet. Because making peace with your past is the best way for you to move on with your live and enjoy what the world has to offer. If you don’t make peace with your past, there will always be a shadow that hunts you.
So here a few helpful things, you might wanna try:
- Solving trauma:
I am going to say it out right > Trauma is a bitch. If you don’t work through trauma, it rules your live!
You can try therapy, self help groups, forums, meditation, self help books, and many more.
As far as trauma goes, meditation was the only thing that worked for me. But everybody is different, so you might find another resource that helps you work your traumatic experiences through.
Forgive those people who caused you misery.
Forgiving does not mean that you forget and that you will be fine with them and what they did. It does not mean you will have to be happy about meeting those people. You don’t need to give them hugs and tell them “I forgive you”. This is not a movie, this is your live. Forgiving is a kind of accepting. Yes, these things happened and this person was the cause. I can recognize it as what it was and can now move on.
- Chilling out:
In those bitter moments that you might have you might just wanna sit back for a bit and think about it all. Do you want the past to rule your future? Do you want to give those who caused you misery the pleasure to see you suffer? What good does it do to feel sorry for yourself? Do you want to move on? If yes, what is stopping you?
Everybody needs a way to vent. Find a hobby or a way to release all those negative feelings that haunt you from time to time. Sing, paint, write, do sports, film, make photos, masturbate, play computer games, learn something new, write on a forum, etc etc.
In my worst times I wrote poems and sang. I sang my soul out, I sang and sang and almost screamed all that misery out. It helped. The poems helped a lot as well because I was able to write down what was buried so deep in me. All those dark things that I couldn’t say to anyone, I wrote them down in poems. It felt good!
At some point you will realize that things in your past, although they formed who you are today, become less and less important. You will realize how you grew on every challenge and how you are now a stronger person, a person that understands other people and yourself better. You will focus more on how you are now a very good and worthy person and how all these things in your past made you that way.
Yes, I understand that it is difficult. It takes a long time to get to that point. The more that happened, the more that messed your mind and live up, the longer it will take to get through with it all. I am not talking about weeks or months. I am talking about years.
I collapsed at 22 years old. Only last weekend (see previous post “home”) I was able to finally make peace with it all.
My conclusions about most of my issues:
- My family is not my family. They are people I share some genes with.
- I chose my own family, and those people are good for me.
- I am who I am.
- My sexuality and gender identity is my business and not societies.
- My atheism is my business and I will not let people bully me into hiding it anymore.
- My body is my business and I will not let media dictate my weight any longer.
Love yourself, embrace your individuality, live your life, and be happy!!
If you need someone to talk to or just wanna tell your story, don’t hesitate to comment or send me an email to clos3rlook (at) gmail (dot) com. The same goes for helping find resources for you to get better. I am always willing to help people who want to get better.