The international woman’s day was yesterday.
I don’t really want to go into the whole political issue that I see with this day. I have very strong opinions > very un-feminist but very humanist opinions. Maybe I will write a post about it at another point.
What I want to write about is something different.
I feel very uncomfortable on days like woman’s day. Why?
You might have read my coming out story where I told you how I found out about being bi. I mentioned being gender queer but didn’t emphasize that fact much in that post. All I did there was explain my journey growing up, finding myself weird, and eventually finding out why I feel that way and that it is ok to be and feel the way I do.
Being gender queer but looking very female is a problem for me on a day such as woman’s day. I can’t just hide from people for a day. I have stuff to do and I need to leave the house / use my computer.
When men bring a present for their girlfriends or go out that day, I am happy for those couples. When people feel good about making their political statements on women’s issues that day > well good for them.
But when I find myself being treated differently just because I have breasts, that is weird to me. All year long I can just avoid the topic all together, but then suddenly I get a flower (why?) or a chocolate (why?) or someone opens the door for me (why?) or let’s me go first (why?) or or or.
The rest of the year, there is nothing special but suddenly…
While some women embrace the day because they feel special, I don’t. My problem is not the “getting things” part. It is more the “suddenly people treat me like something I am not” part. Not complaining about getting some cake or a free coffee or whatever. I like getting things just as much as I like giving things. It is really just this odd gender crisis I get that day.
Now my brain does not perceive itself as female. Neither as male, just saying.
If you are a man, reading this right now, just imagine that everybody treats you like a woman for a day. They are not making fun of you, they mean it, they want to be nice. But would you not be weirded out?
This is one of those tiny things, that make it a little odd to just be myself at times. When I am perceived as something that I am clearly not. But people can’t know that unless I tell them and I do not feel like walking around on a day like that and telling everybody “Oh you don’t need to, I am not a woman!” when all they see in me is exactly a woman. They will think I am crazy and that is not something I want. I am just as crazy or normal as everybody else.
Thanks for letting me vent, internet.
Oh btw, I spent woman’s day at a gaming con. Had a blast. Played in a LARP and ran a tabletop game. 7 of the best hours I had so far, this year.